apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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