there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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