i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
