i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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