just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i think my cat just said my name.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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