party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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