I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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