I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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