I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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