I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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