Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
