I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Holy sore nipples Batman
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
