Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
