I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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