I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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