I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
