Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
