You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
