on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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