A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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