sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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