it wasn't lemon gatorade
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
