"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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