note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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