remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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