Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
