I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
