if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
