I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
