i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
