I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
