I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
