90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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