It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
