I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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