i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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