so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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