im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
