I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
