are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
