My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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