singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
