Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
