i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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