he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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