I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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