I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
