That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
