You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
