I didn't shave. On purpose
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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