2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
