Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
