I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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