He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
