I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
