You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize