It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
