Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
