Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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