i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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