Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
