i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
