I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
