Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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