Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
bring money and cleavage
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
