Can Purell be used as lube?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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