youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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