I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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