On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
