Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize