I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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