gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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