Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
