end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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