Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize