how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
