dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
