I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
