dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
