Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You were trust falling into bushes
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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