The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
