Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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