If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
