you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
