forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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