She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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