you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
