I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
