I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
