Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
