I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
