so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize