Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
