I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
