His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I stole a fireplace last night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
