last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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